Something Miraculous

Determined to be Queen shares...

Wow! Where does the time go? I think I’m starting to understand what “time flies when you’re having fun” means! Now, if you know me in person, you might be scratching your head right now.

Huh? She’s been having “fun” this past week?

Without going into all the gory details, I can tell you that it’s been a most challenging set of days since my last post. Complete with fits of anger, tears, and long phone calls to dear hearts who understand the real me. But I can honestly say it’s been a FABULOUS week! Why? Because I asked for this.

So to speak.

I want answers, after all. Big answers. To big questions about myself and where I want my life to go. And in order to get answers, you have to open up your heart to any possibility of a reply. I think a lot of times, we say we want answers, but then we try to dictate how we would like that memo to read.

For instance, I wanted to know why I was still having problems in my love relationship. The same spots kept sticking no matter how much grease I gave them. I asked, “What’s wrong?” But then I sat around stewing and expecting him to figure out how wrong he was and how I was doing all the work (after all, I kept offering him suggestions!). I wanted the Universe to teach him a lesson so that I could have what I wanted in a relationship. I mean, it was mostly his fault. If he’d just listen to me, everything would be fine, right?

(On the animal scale of learner’s aptitude, I would probably top out at “mule” level.)

So last week, as part of a spiritual exploration course I am taking, I had to write affirmations. The idea behind an affirmation is that we stop the cycle of abuse raging loudly, or quietly, in our minds by giving that voice a new script—one that acknowledges peace and happiness are just one choice, one decision, away. It’s really all in how we decide things are. Essentially, nothing is good or bad until we make that judgment for ourselves.

Appropriately then, one of my affirmations is: “I am happily married.” I wanted to make this choice because I felt like these recurring issues have been the biggest stumbling block on the path of my personal achievement. How could I have a career if my relationship kept knocking the wind out of me?

Well, this past week, with this new decision in the script of my mind, I had a life-altering moment of epiphany—with a capital “E”. I mean…it was HUGE! I finally wrapped my mind around the idea that what I dislike in my partner is what I dislike in myself. (I know, I know, the three-finger rule all over again!) Of course, I had thought I understood that, but, let’s put it this way, apparently I only understood it when it was easy! But this?! This was sooooooo hard!

But also fantastically healing!

This memo about my still being stuck in the blame game, about being selfish even when I thought I wasn’t, about addictively hanging on to trouble to avoid change, this memo was not the answer I wanted to hear. Like I said, I was hoping that the heavens would open up and my husband would miraculously accommodate me and my idea of “the way things should be.” But that’s what is so great about miracles—they come unexpectedly.

But maybe that’s not entirely true. No, it’s not true at all. In fact, the only time miracles happen is when they are expected. Think of the stories of Jesus’ miracles. About the woman who was healed, just by touching the edge of his cloak. Why? Because she believed. That’s another way of saying expected. She knew—she had faith—that if she could just touch it, she’d be healed.

My husband and I talked about miracles and how they always seem to be a function of the believer. Think about those televised evangelist shows where people are instantly healed (if you haven’t actually seen a faith healing in person, that is). Those people believe they will be healed and they step forward to receive their miracle. Think about all the people who find out that their cancer has “miraculously” disappeared. They believe they can survive it. Think about Jesus’ own words on almost every occasion of a miracle: “Do you believe?”*

Well...do you?

Whatever you truly believe you have, is yours.

And I finally get it! I really understand!

How about you?

Try it this week. Choose. Decide. Have the peace that passes all understanding. It’s yours.


© Nicole J. Williams, 2007, all rights reserved.

*Jesus said to the woman who touched his cloak: "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering." (Mark 5:24-34)