Commit to Something Completely

“In the quietness of this place, surrounded by the all-pervading Presence of God, my heart whispers: Keep fresh before me the moments of my High Resolve, that in fair weather or foul, in good times or in tempests, in the days when the darkness and the foe are nameless or familiar, I may not forget that to which my life is committed.”

~Howard Thurman, For the Inward Journey

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So the title of this blog has been following me around since before I wrote the last entry. Being the commitment-phobe that I am, though, it is no wonder it’s taken me this long to get something down in writing on the subject. I mean, I know full well that the secret to success is commitment, but the fear factor is surprisingly high when it comes to matters near and dear to my own personal success.

Now motherhood is a different story. This Mother’s Day is a landmark for me and proves to me that I have made at least one commitment fully and well. The cards my daughters made for me infused me with great joy and confidence that I have accomplished my primary goal—to love them well.

And not too long ago, a new friend of mine told me something that nobody ever has. She said, “When you talk about being a mom, an air of calm confidence washes over your voice and I just feel how secure you are as a mom. It’s almost intimidating, actually. I can literally tell just by the tone of your voice that you have no fear or doubt about your abilities as a mother.”

It was a lovely compliment, to be sure, but more than that, it really made me think and I realized that she was right. I don’t worry (much) about being a mom. It’s the one thing I love more than anything else and the one thing I do feel good about way more often than not. Sure, I worry every now and then if I couldn’t have done certain things differently or better or provided more opportunities for them along the way, but deep down I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I have loved my children the way I always promised myself that I would.

It’s so easy to love your own children though, that I think sometimes I fault myself for not doing anything above and beyond “normal.” But like I said, this year is a landmark, and I give myself credit for doing a really great job and I award myself early veteran status, since it’s been almost half of my life now that I’ve been a mother (especially if you count the life I am consciously aware of!). Ok, to be completely precise, I have been a mother for 40% of my life. That’s a lot. That’s an accomplishment. And that’s definitely a long-term commitment.

But now it’s time to add something new.

I recently started my own business. I opted in as a consultant for one of those big, home party, direct selling companies. I can’t tell you which one, for legal reasons, but if you know me, you should have received the memo. (If not, let me know!) Now most people would say that the only reason to start a business is to make money—well, not the ONLY reason, but the primary reason. That’s what a business is after all. Offering a service for payment. And yes, I suppose that is in my top five reasons, but I think that the primary reason for me is commitment.

It’s a time commitment. A financial commitment. A learning commitment. And also a social commitment. Now getting a “job,” in the traditional sense, would also be those things, but I wanted more than just a job. I wanted to grow myself. So instead of choosing plain old potting soil, I thought I would go for the Miracle-Gro™ variety. I will admit, though, that being in business for myself, with all of the responsibility that goes along with it, does frequently put me toe to toe with the fear monkeys. But I chose this particular company because the support network is strong and encouraging; I don’t have to learn in a vacuum. There is a wealth of experience available just a phone call or an email or a monthly meeting away! Their motto is, “In business for yourself, not by yourself.” Commitment plus support. Very smart.

But back to those fear monkeys. You know, the ones that jump onto your shoulders, screeching and cackling into your ears, making you all but incapable of moving forward?! No? Then lucky you! But maybe you do know what I mean. Take one tentative step outside that comfort zone and you feel like you’re in a nightmare at the zoo. Sometimes, they can be as subtle as a week-long illness that puts you out of commission when you were on a roll (yep, that’s what just happened to me). They are the self-sabotagers that I think all of us have had to deal with in some area of our lives, at least once!

The only solution is to get back on track, ASAP! Do one little thing. Take one baby step in the right direction. Choose to see the one thing that’s giving you fits in a positive light—or from a new angle. Refuse to make a complaint. Anything that says “DOWN!” to the fear monkeys.

Also, having a single-minded vision of the outcome, complete with the feelings that would accompany that expected outcome, will line your path with banana trees that will distract the fear monkeys and allow you to pass, virtually unhindered, in the direction of your dreams.

And then give the dream your undivided attention. Not necessarily 24/7, but when you spend time on that commitment, do it with your whole heart. Commit to something completely, and you will always be rewarded. By definition, when you commit to something, you pledge to see it through. By its very nature it requires ups and downs, pros and cons, give and take. Focusing on the big picture when the details seem mundane and on the details when the big picture seems too much to bear keeps you moving in the right direction.

And ultimately, if you’ve chosen your commitment wisely, and you are well-suited for the task(s), then it should be enthralling and envigorating to face the challenges. The fear shouldn’t be debilitating, although if you are REALLY pushing yourself, it can be quite daunting!

You know, if you never hear from the fear monkeys, you might have nerves of steel, or, it may, in fact, indicate that you aren’t pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone. And hey, plenty of people get by just fine that way! And some people say that fear is an indicator that they should not advance in that direction—and that works too! But if you’re anything like me, you know that you aren’t doing all that you could do if you don’t feel a fuzzy tail wrapped around your neck and a little screeching in your ear when you start out on a new adventure!

So, in the beginning of my commitment to being a mother, I admit, I was afraid of everything. There were monkeys hiding behind all of the unknowns, and the responsibility seemed out of proportion with my abilities. Then again, any major, long-term project seems overwhelming under the macro lens. What saves us is our ability to focus in on the details, to use our micro lens. One day at a time. I’ve made it fifteen plus years as a mom because I made sure that the challenges of the commitment never outweighed the joys of the rewards.

These days, obviously, I seem to have plenty of banana trees devoted to the mother monkeys, but the business owner monkeys have nothing to eat just yet, so they’re awfully rambunctious. In fact, I haven’t really had a good dose of the fear monkeys since my first semester of graduate school! I’m a little out of practice and catch myself wondering what to do next.

Hey—maybe I can send them over to eat some of the surplus mommy bananas! But I’d hate to start worrying that my business is interfering with my mothering!

Baby steps.


© Nicole J. Williams, 2007, all rights reserved.