Standing on Something Special

Determined to be Queen shares...

Recently I read a line in my favorite daily devotional book and my eyes stopped and my brain revved and whirred in the pause. It went something like this:

"We are standing on a hill of diamonds, and we are looking for the gold mine beyond the next ridge."

We say "diamonds are forever" and "worth your weight in gold" so it's no wonder that when I first read the line, I just didn't get it.

I thought it was a win-win kind of thing. There you are, standing on all that long-lasting stuff, like building your house upon the rock, setting your sights on the gold—of accomplishment, of experience, and yeah, sure, of value.

Nope. Unh-uh.

What Anne Wilson Shaef, author of Women Who Do Too Much, says is that we don't see the forest for the trees. In other words, we go striving for what we already have, yet fail to recognize. So in this particular case, she suggests that, all things being equal—like diamonds and gold—we tend to go searching for the mere hopes of finding the richness we, in fact, already possess to excess. It's easy to see that a hill of diamonds is a ready resource of measurable proportions, whereas rooting around for a gold mine which would then require extraction efforts, in the face of the guaranteed fortune in front of us, would be a titanic waste of time, energy, and life itself.

It reminded me of what I said the other day, in my other blog, about not being consciously aware of the magnitude of the gift of the human body, mind, and spirit. It's a hill of diamonds we stand on quite frequently, looking off into the distance to find those perfect accessories to go with it. Face it, we all do it. We ask ourselves, "What good is it to be trapped in this body if I can't have/do/be that?"

Ok, now I'm not saying that we can't take our human organism out for a drive and see what she can do. No, what I'm seeing as the distinction is that yearning that we beat ourselves up with. The literal, "What good is it?" The idea that what we have right now isn't good enough and what's the point anyway? It's the difference between following the joy and the passion in your heart and being driven by wild desire (or being driven wild by desire) for something that seems unreachable--but that's either because we expect perfection or we want instant gratification, or both!

I'll use myself as an example.

I love to dance. Now, at 37 years of age, I take dancing lessons. (You hear the judgment already, right?) And boy is it ever easy to sit back and watch people who have been dancing for five, ten, or even twenty years or more and think, "Well heck, I kinda suck! Will I ever learn this stuff so I can dance as effortlessly as they seem to?" (Or forget watching...try dancing with an experienced partner and having these thoughts come racing in when you inevitably flub it up!)

But if all I focus on is the end result and I allow myself to be discouraged because I don't have it right at this instant, then I miss out on the joy of dancing now. The fact is, I dance like someone who has been taking lessons for less than a year. And that's the truth...it's just a matter of fact. I have to allow for the journey. Right?

Repeat after me: "Life is the journey, not the destination." (Have we all heard this enough times now that it's about as "out of the box" as that worn out tag line itself?)

And I have to say that I dance much better when I don't think about doing it perfectly but rather let myself feel the dance...to be the dancer, dancing. (And I won't even get started on how my golf swing improves when I just do it!)

But it's so easy to forget the diamonds under the soles of our shoes (I nod to Paul Simon) as we trudge behind the pillar of clouds in the distance that always remain in the distance. The secret to loving the heck out of our lives is to live them right now. To find the perfection in each moment. To just "be" our way along the path.

That's what we're really looking for anyway. The hill of diamonds is there for us whenever we live right from where we are at any given moment. It's not out there in a land far, far away. It's here. And now.

Still not sure what that means? It's taken me a good ten years or so to really understand this idea for myself. Now I'm in the practicing phase. Are you practicing?

On that note, I would like to share a quotation with you from one of my favorite inspirational authors, Mr. Mike Dooley:

Live your dreams now, to any degree that you can. With every purchase. Every decision. Every hello and goodbye. Every assignment. Every conversation. Every meal. Every morning, afternoon and evening. And never, ever, ever look back.

Really.

Go on.

Do it now, and have FUN!!! :))


© Nicole J. Williams, 2007, all rights reserved.

Start with Something You Like!

Determined to be Queen shares...

For any of you who are keeping track, it’s been 36 days since I last posted a blog—posted being the operative word. I’ve been thinking about blog ideas, writing snippets in my head, coming up with new titles, but I just haven’t been able to tear away from the living part of my life long enough to get to the writing part.

You see, after “Something Miraculous,” the miracles just kept coming. Cascades of them, overlapping and flowing like molten lava into the dark crevices of my life. It was like a pounding surf…caught in an everlasting moment of tide on the rise.

And actually, it started with another one of those “meditations for women who do too much,” or at least a rising consciousness of one I read early on that quoted Judith K. Knowlton as saying:

“When I keep putting something off, it may not be procrastination, but a decision I’ve already made and not yet admitted to myself.”

For me, this was the equivalent of the angels descending from on high, singing “Glory, halleluiah!”

So what do you do when it seems as though you have secretly decided not to do any of the drudgery items on your to-do list?

Well, first you celebrate that you have better things to do than occupy yourself with drudgery! Hooray and huzzah! Then, you recognize that the only reason you appear to be depressed is that you aren’t choosing to do those things you most WANT to do with your life, and then, you give yourself permission to do only those things that you really want to do. And, why not? Aren’t we always hearing about how life is too short? And don’t we always get a gleam of pride in our eyes when we hear of someone who died suddenly, but doing what s/he loved most in the world? (Steve Irwin comes to mind.)

Life is too short for drudgery, especially when you know better! For heaven’s sake—do what you LOVE! It is the mantra of our times, after all, why not go with the flow for a while? Let’s face it. The people who have lives that we watch wistfully from afar are those people who fill their time with activity that brings them joy! It’s not money, or power, or even fame that most of us long for. It’s JOY! And it’s only one choice away.

Once you give yourself permission to choose joy, your life becomes infinitely simple—a pleasant paradox, to be sure! When you start with something you like, you create a momentum, or a flow of positive energy, that either sweeps through the parts you don’t like and makes them palatable as mere details in the plan for joy, or completely eliminates the necessity of addressing them at all.

An example? Let me think. Ok, here’s one. I need to hang curtains in several rooms in my house because of various curtain rod/sheet rock malfunctions. Part of the problem was that I didn’t like either the curtains or the rods. So when I gave myself permission to buy new curtains for the bedroom—a room that had no curtain rod issues—it led me to find new curtains that look lovely in the kitchen. Now I can’t wait to hang that kitchen curtain rod to complete the look and make the whole room much more pleasing to my sense of color and style.

Actually, the story is a little more complicated than that. There was a larger domino effect that started with a completely unrelated choice. I had decided to do something just for me that would also get me out of the “house of a thousand waiting projects.” I went and had my legs waxed, of all things. And that was at a salon in a part of town I don’t normally frequent—but only because I thought it was closer. So after the wax, which was only so-so I might add, I went driving around to see what I could see. What I saw was a store that I thought might have some inexpensive curtains. Instead, I found fabulous decorative rods for half price. Leaving that store’s parking lot, I saw another store I’d never heard of and went to check it out. I found curtains galore…for my room, my daughter’s room, and, unexpectedly, the kitchen!

In this process that included trying several different varieties of curtains and multiple trips back to the linen store, I discovered that I love curtains! And, of course, now I want to hang them up! (Now, if I can just translate this idea into the creative arts…all that writing and painting I want to do!)

The point of this story though, has nothing to do with window treatments, although it does have everything to do with creativity, inspiration, and beauty. The miracle happened when I let go of the long laundry list of “chores” and let myself dabble in the desires of my heart. Rather than sitting home, beating myself up with a litany of “shoulds” and “have-to’s,” I gave myself permission to follow the lead of my dreams. I don’t want to hang up curtains because I should. I want to surround myself with beauty—with everything from curtains to people who inspire my joy.

Life is too short for ugly curtains and drudgery. And staying home to make myself do something like paint the woodwork just doesn’t work. I balk at the randomness of that particular drudgery. Let there be a reason that makes me say, “The thing I want most to do at this moment is to paint the baseboards.” When I feel that, I’ll probably get it done in a couple of days. Until then, I have better things to do with my life.

So. If you are feeling overwhelmed with a big project, I recommend that you start with what you like and use that momentum to vault you into the arena of things that seem like too much work on their own. Once the dreaded part, painting the trim for example, feels like a finishing touch, it’s easy and satisfying—but as long as it feels like a project unto itself, you, like me, may end up doing nothing at all and beating yourself up for “procrastinating.”

Let your procrastination be a warning sign to you. First, start with something you like, but, if at all possible, do what you LOVE—because joy makes all things possible!

© Nicole J. Williams, 2007, all rights reserved.

Finding Something to Say

Determined to be Queen shares...

Sometimes I get this feeling and I just can’t speak. It’s like a wall, or a dam, and not even a trickle of a thought can get by it. That’s how I’ve felt about writing this blog for the past week and a half. Normally, I would have had strong words for myself about being a “wimp” or a “baby” or some other pejorative to indicate my inability to act appropriately—my failure to act at all, as it were. But this time, I used the opportunity to understand a pattern.

I believe that most of us could admit to having a natural rhythm of ebb and flow, like the tides. Sometimes we come rushing in at our life, full of energy and powerful strokes, and then we back off a bit, regroup or tone down some of the intensity, and then come back at it for another push. We wake and sleep. We have lots of verve and then go limp on the couch. We’re happy. We’re sad. It’s humanly impossible to keep barreling through life, full steam ahead, 24/7!! Frankly, we just need to vary the pace—regularly—to survive it at all.

This idea so often eludes the perfectionist in me. I want it all, all the time, all the way. No wonder I’ve spent so much time being exhausted!!! (I’m really starting to see the “woman who [does] too much” in me!)

However, I’m pleased to tell you that I spent the week and a half of blogging silence enjoying the heck out of my life and not worrying about when my next post would be. I let myself believe that the post would come when it needed to. (There’s always another post in me somewhere, right?) I went with the flow, dude, and I must say, IT ROCKED!!!

I was able to spend two whole days preparing my daughter’s 15th birthday celebration. I continued to do my workouts and follow my diet (ok, except for a few indulgences, but that’s another story). I went to an all-day seminar. I started taking a course with my husband (yay!!). I watched a movie by myself during the work day (formerly a big “no-no”). I talked to some friends on the phone, or went and had tea. I paid the bills, bought some groceries, cleaned a little and played with the dog. I even went to the Houston Rodeo for the very first time! In short, I just lived my simple, quiet life and enjoyed it. I didn’t judge it or rush it or over-schedule it or beat myself up because it wasn’t perfect.

I honestly think that I was about twenty-eight years old before I realized how much mental time and space I had devoted to expecting my every thought, word, and deed, to be perfect; although I never used the word “perfect.” I thought about improving things. Oh, this can be better next time and that could be more efficient! I could be more patient or the house could be neater—at least more often! I thought I was challenging myself to be better and to do more, and isn’t achievement and growth a good thing? Why would learning from today and making it better tomorrow be a negative endeavor? Well, it’s not; at least, not in theory anyway.

But when life holds no true enjoyment; no, not enjoyment...but what? When you can never feel satisfied—or when you don’t know what that means—then perfectionism has its hooks in you. I’ve had to learn what being satisfied means over the last decade or so. For me, it means to be able to be still and survey the scene with a smile and an inner “Aahhhhhh!” No judgment (straighten this, add that)…no anxiety (how long will this last?)…no worry (surely something isn’t quite right with this picture)…no expectation (I wonder if this will happen again soon)…no blame (this could have been better if you or someone else had only…)…no nothing…just PEACE—the kind that makes your face beam and your eyes twinkle.

That’s the space where there is no wall. No dam either. And in that moment, there’s no need to say anything at all.


© Nicole J. Williams, 2007, all rights reserved.

A Whole Lot of Something

Determined to be Queen shares...

When my sister gave me Anne Wilson Schaef’s Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much, I didn’t really believe that I was a woman who did “too much.” Sure I tried to tick off several items on my daily list, but those were “normal” things that wives and mothers and teachers had to do every day for heaven’s sake!

So I asked myself, “How does someone who doesn’t have a job but does have commitment issues (me) fall into the ‘workaholic’ category? What do I do so much of anyway?” The answer skewered me to the spot immediately. I do A WHOLE LOT OF NOTHING! I do so much nothing that I never get the great big SOMEthing(s) done!

In fact, my ability to avoid and shirk and dance around big projects with little nuisance-y things has been what has kept me from balancing my life and my time. The little nothings of my average life have been consuming me and keeping me from getting ahead: in my career, in my writing, in my reading, even in my parenting…in everything I say I want to do with my life.

Now, I already knew that 2007 was going to be the do-or-die year for focusing on me and what I want and how to get it. I had my tag words “Discipline” and “Commitment” looming in front of me. What I didn’t see was that there was “nothing” standing in my way. All those obstacles I saw between me and what I want for me were just a mirage, and I was creating all of them. I thought that the journey had to be long and difficult in order to be real, but here I was, presented with this “beam me up” reality.

The life I want is just a moment away.

And one decision is all it takes. Sure, I may have to make that decision repeatedly because it’s an idea that challenges my ingrained habits, but it’s a decision that gets easier and easier to make. Nothing and something are completely subject to our perception, and all that truly matters is that we choose to create the somethings that we want and not waste our time making somethings out of nothings.

For example, it is true that my family needs to eat and that I am the person who hunts and gathers (and cooks) in the family, so grocery shopping is, indeed, something that I must do; however, in light of the reading and writing that I want to do, shopping is much lower on the significance spectrum than I tend to make it out to be. So, if I expand shopping to the point that it interferes with reading and writing, then I am letting nothing become something and thus have nothing of substance to show for my dream pursuits.

(This made me think, Oh, the laundry needs to be changed out and I almost stood up! Like I said, I just had this Shazam! moment a couple of hours ago, so it may take more than a day for it to sink in!)

So in other words, if, at the end of the day, my goal is to have “something to show for” my dreams, then I must continually make decisions about what is “nothing” to me and what is “something” to me—or else change my dreams!

But that’s part of what this year, especially, is all about for me: taking the time and doing what’s necessary to find out exactly what my dreams are. And that’s what this blog is here for—to chronicle the ups and downs, the ins and outs, the overs and unders of my journey to becoming what Allyn Evans means when she says “Queen.” I am learning to establish dominion over my own life and to fill it with fabulous somethings, all of my own divining. So…

I hereby crown myself a “Queen-in-Training” (QT) and banish the somethings that are actually nothing! Please do join me on my journey into and around the Queendom!!!

© Nicole J. Williams, 2007, all rights reserved