Something to Think About: Three Finger Rule

Determined to be Queen shares...

Do this: point away from yourself like you are scolding someone. Does your thumb naturally grab onto those three extra fingers and hold them back so that they point right back at you? Mine too.

Did you try it?

Come on, play along.

Do it again!

What I love about the three finger rule is that I can see it! In truth, it is just a modification of Jesus’ lesson to refrain from judging others.

The New American Standard Bible says: "Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” Other translations speak of a “mote,” “grain of dust,” or “splinter” in another’s eye as compared to the much larger “beam,” “bit of wood,” or “plank” found in one’s own eye.

I am so often humbled by remembering this passage; however, I didn’t always remember it at the right time! Because I tend to be a pointer when I am judging someone’s behavior (for instance: husband, children), the three finger rule is perfect for me. The passage now comes to mind immediately, and always, much to my dismay.

I see one finger pointing at the other person and THREE pointing at me. Uh-oh. Does that mean that I’m at least three times as guilty as the person I’m pointing at? Is there a log in my eye? Quick, hand me a mirror!

I won’t lie to you. This rule has made me furious at times.

I AM NOT like them! I’m just angry, disappointed, frustrated, appalled, fill-in-the-blank at their behavior! How could they be so careless, reckless, unthinking, unfeeling, fill-in-the-blank towards me and/or all of humanity (I’m thinking specifically of Houston drivers at the moment!)?? I mean, can’t a person just be upset when someone else doesn’t behave properly without it having anything to do with the person who is upset? I mean really!

The answer is no.

Honestly.

I know. It’s not easy to hear. Especially when we think we really, really get it.

We know this one by heart, right? It’s cliché for crying out loud! Let’s see….there’s: “He who is without sin should cast the first stone.” And, “People in glass houses should NOT throw stones.”
And, “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” We get it!

And still, I couldn’t see how being upset with someone else had anything to do with me. I had to start asking myself some tough questions.

One of my pet peeves (besides disobeying traffic rules) was lying. I seethed if I discovered that someone had lied to me—at all. My self-righteous anger welled up and I thought, “It can’t possibly mean anything about me because I tell the truth!!!” So what did my three fingers have to tell me when I pointed out a liar? Turns out, quite a lot.

I don’t think anyone has lived an entire lifetime without bending the truth at some point, especially in the name of tact or politeness, and I certainly knew that I had not lived a life of perfect honesty. But I knew that I was honest to a fault because people would tell me how amazed they were at my honesty with them. In fact, I’m afraid I had a bit of a reputation. (Uh-huh, you hear it coming don’t you!)

Well, at this point in my life, when I felt surrounded by liars, I was desperately trying to find a spiritual way out of the pain. Once I learned about the three-finger rule, I was determined to understand it. For what seemed like a long time though, I just couldn’t.

I wanted to know why, the more I kept pointing out the liars, the more those three fingers kept pointing back at me!

Dear readers, one day I discovered I had been lying to myself. I finally heard those voices in my head that told me I wasn’t good enough, attractive enough, smart enough, fill-in-the-blank enough. I also started to see that people lied to me because I didn’t want to hear the truth. I expected too much from myself and so I expected too much from others, and when they “messed up,” the last thing they wanted to hear was me reminding them, so they lied.

The fact is, being upset with others is a choice we make because we want to control in others the faults that we often don’t recognize in ourselves. So, if you find yourself pointing your finger at someone else, remember that there are always three pointing back at you.


© Nicole J. Williams, 2007, all rights reserved.